"The Reptile Room"

There once was a man who went to the zoo.

The man loved the zoo. He loved the peanuts and the small children. He loved the giraffes and their lofty heights. He loved the pretty girls that ran the ice cream booths. But his favorite part of the zoo was the reptile room.

In the reptile room, there were all kinds of animals. The man wasn't interested in most of them. The man was only interested in the snakes. When he went to the reptile room, he would hurry past the crocodiles and iguanas with their disgusting forked tongues. He would go to the very back of the room, and stare at the snakes, sometimes for hours.

The man loved and hated the snakes. They had nasty forked tongues, like the other reptiles, and slid across their aquarium floors with ease that made him shiver. But the snakes were stealthy, and he liked that, and they had venom, and he liked that too. He was always happy when the snakes laid eggs, and sad when the old snakes were taken away. His favorite part of his favorite part of the zoo was the feeding time of the snakes. He loved the agility of the snakes, and how they swallowed their food whole.

The man didn't always stay at the zoo. He also had a job, and a house, and a car, and a wife and two kids. He only went to the zoo on Saturdays. Any other time he was at his job or at his home. His wife would fix him breakfast and dinner and a sack lunch for work. He loved his wife as much as he loved the zoo, and his eldest son was the star pitcher of the little league team. His car was the nicest car and his house was the biggest house on the block. Oh, how proud the man was of his life!

One day, the man sat at his desk at his job, and opened up his sack lunch. There the man found something amazing. The sandwich was not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! This puzzled the man. His wife always packed him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now, in place of the ordinary meal, was a turkey and tomato sandwich. The man threw away the sandwich. He did not like turkey - he only liked peanut butter and jelly.

Though he was angry to begin with, by the time the man had driven home, he was nearly totally calm. And oh, how he loved his wife! The moment he saw her smiling face reading the paper in the living room, his anger melted away. The man kissed his wife, and told her about his day at work. The wife told him about their son. Their son's team had won the championship. The man was so happy.

Later that night, as the man lay in bed, he noticed a curious thing. His wife was not beside him. This surprised the man. They always went to bed at the same time, and his wife was always beside him. The man stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. Finally, he became afraid. What if something had happened to his wife? What if she was having a stroke?

The man leapt out of bed, and walked down the stairs. He heard a voice from the kitchen, and sighed in relief. The voice was his wife's. He started to walk to the kitchen to tell her about his silly fears, when he discovered a suspicious thing. The voice coming from the kitchen seemed to be talking into a telephone. "Come over tomorrow when he's at work," the voice was saying! The husband was astonished. He ran back up the stairs and got in bed, thinking about what he had heard. The man began to grow angry.

But oh, the man did so love his wife. When she came up the stairs and into the room, his anger faded away. "Who was that on the phone?" the man asked, as the wife climbed into bed. "Pauline," said the wife, without a pause. "She's coming over tomorrow to help plan a party for the boys." And so much did the man love his wife that he nodded his head, and turned out the light.

The next day was a Friday. The man shaved and took a shower, ate breakfast and brushed his teeth. His wife smiled and made a sack lunch, and kissed him on the way out the door. The man drove to work feeling ashamed of what he had thought the night before. His wife was so sweet and good, and his boys were so young and strong, and his car was so nice, and his house was so big, and everything was going swell.

As he sat at his desk at his job, however, the man felt nervous. He stared at the clock. He tapped a pencil against the wood. He drummed his fingers. Soon, he began to think back on the phone conversation. The man no longer felt nervous. He felt suspicious. He felt bad for feeling suspicious, but he felt suspicious all the same.

When lunch time came around, the man was astounded to make yet another discovery. His sandwich was still turkey! The fact seemed impossible. One lapse could be understood, but two, two meant that there must be something wrong. He threw away the sandwich and went to his boss's office. He took the rest of the day off. He was such a good, hard worker, and he had plenty of sick days left.

The man drove home quickly, and was able to make it to his house only an hour after lunch. He pulled his car into his driveway carefully, and he carefully opened the door. His wife's car was still there, but where was his wife? He grew more suspicious. In fact, he grew so suspicious, that he walked up the stairs.

Halfway up the stairs, the suspicious man heard a suspicious sound. There was laughter coming from the bedroom. He became very silent, and climbed the stairs oh so stealthily. When he reached the top of the stairs, he moved to the bedroom door, and cracked it open, making sure that he was very, very quiet. As he peered into the room, he was forced to stile a gasp. There was his wife, kissing another man!

The man was shocked, with his suspicions confirmed. As quietly as before, but more quickly, he walked down the stairs, out the door, and into his car. He drove away very fast, nearly hitting a car as he turned out of the neighborhood.

The man was now very sad. As he went down the road, he cried and he cried. He felt so bad that there was only one place he could possibly go. The man went to the zoo.

At the zoo, the man was still sad. The peanuts did not make him happy. The giraffes did not make him happy. The pretty girls only made him feel worse. Soon, the only place left to visit was his favorite place in the whole zoo - the reptile room.

The man walked through the reptile room, not looking at the many different animals. He was only concerned with the snakes. He knew that it was feeding time soon, and he did not want to miss it. Surely, he thought, the snakes will make me feel better.

The man had been watching the snakes for some time when the time for feeding finally came. The man had been wrong. The snakes had not made him feel better. They had only made him feel worse, as they slithered and let out their forked tongues, and made him shiver. He became very interested when the mice were placed inside the aquariums, though. It was his favorite thing in the whole world. He nearly applauded as one of the snakes lashed out at the mouse, crushing it in its coils, and unhinging its jaw to fit the meal into itself.

The man was as fascinated as always. As he watched the snake devour the mouse, he felt better. When the snake was done with the mouse, he nodded, and walked away. It was getting late, and it would soon be time for him to go home.

When he got home, he found his wife smiling and in the kitchen, fixing a fancy dinner. She kissed him hello, and the man almost cringed. "Where are the kids?" he asked.

"They're at Pauline's house," she said. "Celebrating the win. Could you help me cut these tomatoes, dear?" she returned, pointing at some shapes on the table, then beginning to roll up some dough. "I thought we could have a nice little dinner by ourselves."

The man nodded. He could never refuse his wife anything. He took a knife out of a drawer, and started cutting the tomatoes. He looked at his wife over his shoulder for a moment.

"You're as beautiful as a mouse," he said, then felt a sharp pain in his hand, and looked back at the table. He had accidentally cut himself. He cursed himself for not paying attention.

"You'll make me blush," she said, as she continued to roll the dough. The man shivered. He looked at his now bleeding hand. He looked at his wife. He felt as though a snake was swallowing his heart.

He picked up the knife, walked over to his wife, and put his arms around her, holding her tightly. His wife giggled, then looked down at his hands. "You've cut yourself!" she chided. "Doesn't it hurt?"

"Yes," said the man. "Its horribly painful." He felt tears gathering in his eyes, as he brought the knife to her throat. The wife's sound of shock was cut short as he slid it across the skin, cutting through the arteries. As she slid to the floor in a heap, he let out a sob. He loved his wife so very, very much.

The next day was Saturday. The man drove to the zoo. He did not eat peanuts or talk to the pretty women behind the ice cream booths. He did not look at the small children or the giraffes. He walked straight to the reptile room, past the creatures with the disgusting forked tongues. He stood in front of a snake aquarium, and looked through the glass. What he saw almost made him shriek.

Inside the glass, a snake had inserted its own tail into its mouth. Its jaw had come unhinged, and the snake sat on a rock, trying to swallow the tail. Bloody scratches from its fangs were raked up and down its sides. The man stared at the snake, fixed to the spot.

After a moment, he swallowed hard. The snake's small, black eyes peered back at him, as it continued its meal. The man nodded, and muttered to himself. "I should have known," he whispered. "Its only a snake."